If you’re someone who is trying to…
There is likely one thing that is holding you back from success more than anything else.
I’ve worked with a LOT of entrepreneurs and creators who are trying to share more content online to grow their brand and their business.
They want to grow as fast as possible, build as big an audience as possible, and get as many customers as possible.
Many of them are just starting with a new account and a small following of family and friends.
Some already have millions of followers.
But if there’s one thing I’ve seen hold everyone back from growing as fast as they could (myself included)… it’s this:
Worrying about what people think.
And you might not be aware of it, because the thought doesn’t always surface as exactly “I’m worried about what people think.”
Here’s what it more often looks like:
→ Did I say that right?
→ That came out wrong
→ Is this video even going to work?
→ What will people say in the comments?
→ Ugh, I hate social media
→ I don’t want to offend anyone
When you find that you’re second guessing yourself, ruminating on what people might say about you, trying to people-please and make sure this won’t offend anyone, being a perfectionist, obsessing over lighting or your background, hesitating to hit publish…
Those are all likely symptoms of the same thing.
And it’s holding you back from being fully successful in whatever you’re trying to do.
In this letter I’m going to give you a practical guide for how to think through this logically.
I will share with you 3 new thought patterns I’ve used to break free from this crutch.
So you can feel more free to get out there and do some damage.
Let’s go.
“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
First and foremost we have to get one thing out of the way…
Here’s the reality: most people aren’t thinking about you.
For decades, psychologists have studied a phenomenon called the “Spotlight Effect”, which shows that people dramatically overestimate how much other people notice their behavior.
Essentially, most people are so busy thinking their own thoughts that they don’t have time to think about you.
Your content, your videos, and your tweets are not being analyzed in depth by everyone else the way you think they are.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
And even if they are thinking about you (you know, those few people that have nothing better to do with their time), you have to accept that you don’t actually know what they’re thinking.
Whatever you think someone is thinking about you, you’re actually thinking about yourself.
You completely made it up. You. Not them.
This is called “projection”.
It was first studied by Sigmund Freud as a defense mechanism that people use to cope with unwanted emotions or thoughts about themselves.
So the solution isn’t worrying about what other people think.
It’s actually thinking better about ourselves.
I love this short video that sums up this concept perfectly.
So write this down, put it on a sticky note, do whatever you have to do to drive this home:
Let’s move on.
Let’s talk about the real reason why this fear holds people back.
There’s actually nothing wrong with feeling afraid of criticism or rejection. That’s a totally normal and human response to putting yourself out there.
But when it causes you to hide pieces of yourself, to change yourself in the presence of others, or to manufacture a facade designed to appeal to what you think people are thinking…
That’s where the problem comes in.
Because again… you don’t know what they’re thinking.
So as long as you’re trying to create a version of yourself that people will love, you can pretty much guarantee that you’re getting it wrong.
Which means you come across flat and uninteresting, and frankly… vanilla.
Nobody LOVES vanilla. But nobody HATES vanilla either, which is why so many people subconsciously silo themselves into this category—to avoid being hated.
So if you want people to LOVE you…
When it comes to creating content, sharing a message, building an audience and a business…
Your greatest power is in being yourself.
Fully yourself. Nothing held back. 100% and thoroughly genuine and authentic.
It’s the version of you that no one can compete with.
It’s the version of you that no one can argue with.
And it’s the only version of you that people can truly love.
Because if you’re playing a character, and people love you… do they really love you?
No.
They love the character you’re playing.
So you will go throughout life trying to be loved, but never feeling fulfilled because subconsciously you know that the person they love isn’t you.
At the end of the day, you can’t make people love you.
You can’t control who loves you and who doesn’t.
(Trying to do so would be complete and utter insanity)
All you can do is be fully yourself (which gives people the chance to actually love you) and let them choose whether they do or not.
Which means that inevitably some people will NOT.
So what do you do about that?
I recently saw a very… let’s say… passionate exchange between two people in a comments section online.
They were going at each others throats, slinging insults, back and forth, typing on their keyboards, for probably hours.
What were they arguing about?
The placement of the power button on a new Apple computer. Yes, really.
See there are people who HATE Apple for putting the power button on the bottom of a computer.
And there are people who LOVE Apple for it.
Now I don’t have any data to quantify this, but I think it’s safe to say that most people just simply don’t care.
I fall squarely in that camp of “not caring”, and yet, I heard about Apple’s new computer because of this conversation.
So here’s the rub.
When you are fully yourself, some people are not going to like it.
Sorry.
Along with love comes hate.
There’s simply no way around it.
If you want people to love you, then other people are going to hate you.
There’s never been a public figure in history that was universally loved or hated.
→ Jesus was crucified.
→ Hitler had a massive following of loyalists.
So instead of avoiding the hate and criticism, you should embrace it. Here’s why.
If you put everyone who knows you on a large spectrum…
The segment of people who HATE you and the segment of people who LOVE you are both very small.
These two groups just happen to be the most vocal about it.
The reality is that most people simply don’t care.
When you’re afraid of what people think…
This is why your haters are your best promoters.
So don’t avoid the hate. Embrace it.
If you’re trying to grow an audience online or offline, your haters will actually do a lot of the work for you.
Research has shown over and over again how polarizing content gets more engagement, and therefore tends to be favored by social media algorithms.
Now I don’t think this means you should go out intentionally trying to be divisive.
But in today’s day and age, you don’t have to.
Just being yourself, and sharing your beliefs and views with confidence is enough to make you polarizing.
And if you’re trying to get yourself, your business, your content, or your message seen…
That’s a good thing.
What was your biggest takeaway from this letter? Please hit reply and let me know.
I love reading your responses.
PS. if you want help building your business online and growing an audience of people that LOVE you, book a call with me here.
Enter your email below to read this letter, and get one actionable tip sent to your inbox every week on online business, content creation, and personal development.
Already a subscriber? Enter your email above for access.
…and you’re ready to take your brand, your content, and your business to the next level, here’s a few ways I can help you:
1. Join my free Skool community - and get free content, trainings, industry updates, and network with other amazing creators.
2. Join my free workshop to learn how to build your content production system and send a flow of leads to your business.
3. Book a free strategy session - I’m opening a few slots on my calendar to meet with serious entrepreneurs who want to grow their audience and their business. I’ll look at what you’ve got going on and help you develop a winning strategy.