This week, a question came up in our CREATE+ coaching call that I think hits home for a lot of us.
It started with content creation—how sometimes, when you try to model what’s “working” out there, it just feels… off.
You know what I mean... like silly dancing trends or viral videos.
Not like you.
Or maybe it feels scary to even try.
But the conversation went deeper.
And honestly, this is the stuff I wish I got to talk about more.
Because it’s not just about business.
It’s about the internal journey.
The stuff that actually changes your life.
The stuff that changed mine.
So in today's letter I'm going to share with you the real reason why you're stuck, what's ACTUALLY holding you back...
And push back against the "guru" advice out there that's all wrong.
Let's get into it.
First of all, here's the real reason why this is so important.
If you run your own business, you’re the bottleneck.
Not just in what you do, but in who you are.
Your business can’t outgrow you.
If you don’t grow, it won’t either.
That’s why entrepreneurship is really a personal development journey.
If your mindset, your capacity, your ability to handle success doesn’t grow, your results won’t either.
You’ll always find a way to bring yourself back to what’s familiar.
This is called self-sabotage.
It's the little decisions you make completely subconciously that bring you back to familiarity.
It’s way more common than you think.
You might not even be aware it's happening.
But it's literally what's holding you back from getting where you want to go.
Ever notice how you keep hitting the same wall?
Maybe it’s a revenue ceiling.
Or you can’t seem to show up confidently on video.
Or your relationships never go as deep as you want.
You try to push through.
You get hyped up, set new goals, make a plan.
But a few weeks later, you’re right back where you started.
It’s not because you’re broken.
It’s not because you don’t have what it takes.
It’s because your body and mind are wired for familiarity.
Anything outside that comfort zone feels scary—even if it’s what you want.
So you make tiny, subconscious decisions that pull you back to safety.
You pivot your business right when things start working.
You procrastinate on the stuff that matters.
You convince yourself you’re “bored” or “not interested” anymore.
Sound familiar?
Here’s the wild part.
Most of this stuff isn’t logical.
It’s emotional.
It’s old.
It’s usually rooted in experiences from childhood.
Maybe you got a weird look from a parent when you were being loud and silly.
Maybe you learned it wasn’t safe to stand out.
Maybe you just absorbed the culture around you.
Obviously as an adult with a fully developed brain... you know those moments aren't a big deal.
But as a kid, they felt huge.
Even a little possible rejection from a parent was like death to you.
Of course now you know better.
But that part of you—the part that learned to play small, to stay safe—is still there.
And when you try to do something new or bold, it gets scared.
Your nervous system gets activated.
You feel fear, or resistance, or just… tired.
So you pull back.
You self-sabotage.
Here's the problem.
Most advice out there says to just push through it. Force it. Chant affirmations in the mirror. Just do it scared.
Our culture and society is flooded with this advice.
And sometimes, it works for a little while.
But it never lasts.
For 2 weeks you feel like you're crushing. And then before you know it you're back where you started.
Why?
Because you’re treating the symptom, not the cause.
Just slapping a bandaid on a deep internal wound hoping it will go away. But it doesn't.
The real solution is slower.
It’s softer.
But it actually works.
Here’s the framework I taught our community members this week:
You can’t change what you’re not aware of.
Start noticing when you get activated.
When do you feel fear, or resistance, or the urge to procrastinate?
What’s actually happening in your body?
Sometimes, just sitting quietly for 10 or 15 minutes can reveal a lot.
Most of us are so addicted to distraction—phones, social, food, whatever—that we never let ourselves feel anything.
The moment you start to feel "bored"... you grab your phone, you eat a snack, you buy something, you watch a movie.
Anything to avoid feeling the pain we label as "boredom".
But if you sit with it, you’ll start to notice patterns.
“Oh, I always get anxious before I post a video.”
Or, “I feel tired every time I try to work on my offer.”
For some people, you might become aware that you've been living in a near-constant state of fight-or-flight, with an activated nervous system, that is draining you all day every day.
For others, it might just be occasional moments.
Either way, this is the first step.
This is the part most people mess up.
When you notice the fear, don’t judge it.
Don’t try to force your way through.
No more "just do it scared."
Instead, this ONE simple phrase will change your whole life:
“That makes sense.”
Seriously.
Practice saying it.
“That makes sense that I feel this way.”
"It makes sense that I want to procrastinate this."
"It makes sense that I'm afraid of criticism."
Why?
Because you’ve been through a lot.
You learned these patterns for a reason.
Maybe it protected you once.
Maybe it helped you fit in.
It makes sense.
When you start to honor your nervous system, you stop fighting yourself.
You start to feel safer.
And you start to heal.
Growth doesn’t happen all at once.
We live in a culture that is so growth-oriented and expecting of immediate massive improvements, that it's actually more damaging than helpful.
The typical advice is just "get over it", "do it anyway", "be who you want to be NOW".
Yes, it sounds nice.
But it literally doesn't work.
Instead, real growth happens in tiny steps.
Little by little you expand your comfort zone.
Yeah it doesn't "fix" you overnight. But nothing does.
And this way it's actually sustainable and long-lasting.
If posting on social feels scary, don’t force yourself to go viral overnight.
If reaching out to a potential client feels overwhelming, don’t pressure yourself to land a huge deal right away.
If having a vulnerable conversation with your partner feels intimidating, don’t expect yourself to share everything all at once.
Just do something that feels a little bit outside your comfort zone.
And notice what happens.
After you take that small step outside your comfort zone, don’t just rush on to the next thing.
Take a moment and sit with it.
Let yourself notice what comes up.
Maybe you feel relief.
Maybe you feel fear, or even regret.
Maybe your mind starts racing with all the “what ifs.”
That’s normal.
Instead of judging yourself, remind yourself, “It’s okay to feel this way.”
You’re not trying to force the fear away.
You’re just letting it be there, and showing yourself a little support.
This is what it means to re-parent that younger part of you.
You’re giving yourself the safety and encouragement you might not have gotten as a kid.
You’re showing that part of you that the world NOW is safer than it learned.
That the fear is actually unwarranted.
The hesitation isn't necessary.
That you’re not alone.
Over time, as you keep practicing this, your comfort zone expands.
You start to integrate the lesson.
You grow.
And suddenly those "blocks" that have been holding you back your entire life are just... gone.
That’s how real, lasting change happens.
Here’s the process, step by step:
That’s it.
It’s not flashy.
It’s not a “hack.”
But it works.
And it’s the only thing that’s ever created real, lasting change for me.
This week, try this:
You might be surprised at what shifts.
And if you mess up, or fall back into old patterns, remember—compassion first.
That’s the real secret to confidence.
Not being perfect.
But being kind to yourself, no matter what.
If you like this and you want help building your brand and business online...
And getting past everything that is stopping you from seeing success...
I literally drop my best nuggets in a 1-hour live call every single week for our CREATE+ members.
(Plus you get access to all of my courses to help you grow your business online)
And it's only $297/mo... a complete no-brainer for all the growth you'll see from it.
Let me know if this hits for you.
Hit reply and tell me where you’re feeling stuck.
I read every response.
Enter your email below to read this letter, and get one actionable tip sent to your inbox every week on online business, content creation, and personal development.
Already a subscriber? Enter your email above for access.
…and you’re ready to take your brand, your content, and your business to the next level, here’s a few ways I can help you:
1. Join my free Skool community - and get free content, trainings, industry updates, and network with other amazing creators.
2. Join my free workshop to learn how to build your content production system and send a flow of leads to your business.
3. Book a free strategy session - I’m opening a few slots on my calendar to meet with serious entrepreneurs who want to grow their audience and their business. I’ll look at what you’ve got going on and help you develop a winning strategy.
